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Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient To Be Able To Meet Girls And Relate To Women
Last week one of my close friends asked a question which i thought was worth talking about. He asked me how to overcome fears that pop up at times - even if everything is going great.
The truth is it's not at all a simple question to reply to as it varies for every person. There are actually thousands of books which have been written on that subject only. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you may not succeed. If you keep trying it over and over you may begin to build up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps in your first attempt, it will also be frightening - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you may fail too.
The correct approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable method to climb a ladder.
Here are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is particularly frightening. So when I am approaching an attractive woman in a party, instead of telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a means to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of others.
If I am starting to date a woman and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to chill, get cozy, and just listen to music at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and then to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. Whenever you feel awkward and fearful just try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as frightening and enables you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and the way to connect with them very quickly.
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